The greatest experience, the one which shakes a soul with hopes and fears, the results of which are never ending, and incidentally, the one which pays the biggest dividends, is to be found in the adoption of children.
--Anonymous

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Praise the Lord, I saw my little Nola

Things didn´t go the way I had hoped. I was told by too many people that I would not be able to get in to the hogar if the director knew I was a prospective adoptive parent. I didn´t want to ruin my only chance to see Nola, so..........when all else fails................. get creative. Gloria who works here at the hotel told me about another guest they had recently who entered a different hogar by saying he was with an organization who wanted to support the hogar. It worked for him so I prayed it would work for me...............and it did! Our in country staff person called all of the people required to get me permission to have a tour of the facility. I went in with my Colts folder (that Brittney loaned me) and paper to take notes on and we started the tour. I prayed and prayed and prayed that I wouldn´t cry when I saw Nola. (I think God got a good laugh out of that one) He knows I´m a faucet face and I might as well show the world. I started crying when I went into the first room full of infants. I knew none of them was Nola, but the tears started flowing anyway. The children were divided in the rooms acording to their ages so when we got to the one year olds room, I started looking. All of the little ones were just waking up from their naps. Most of them were still laying down in their beds but one little girl was standing up. She looked at me and I just wasn´t sure. She was so big. Her little face was so round and her hair was cut really short but those eyes. I kept staring at her while the director was talking. It had to be her. I made my way through the room talking to all of the little ones. The director started telling the names of all the children in the beds and then she confirmed it. I was standing right in front of my little Nola. Her eyes were so sad looking but when I walked up to her and talked to her she put her little hand up to my mouth. I kissed her palm. I did that a lot when we visited her so in my heart I felt she remembered me. Then, of course, the tears started to flow.......and flow.....and flow. The director told my interpretor that I was very emotional. He said ¨she just gets like that when she´s around babies¨. I knew I couldn´t spend any more time with Nola than I did with the rest of the kids, so I had to move on to the next little bed and talk to the little boy in it.
It was so much harder than I imagined, seeing her for the first time in seven months and not being able to hold her and love her and spend time with her. I wasn´t allowed to take pictures of the children, but I don´t think her sad little face will leave my mind for a long time.
All of the workers were very nice. The place was clean and they are doing their best to take care of the children but they need help. I have a list of things they need and I´m going to do my best to see they get them. There are 97 children in the building where Nola is and 31 more in another building. I´ll post again soon letting you all know what you can do to support these children if it´s in your heart to do so.
Brittney and I have had a great time. I´ll post pictures when I get home. Kinsey is an absolute doll with hair that is out of this world..............you´ll see when I post pictures. We also had a visit from our blogging friend Eva. It was so nice to meet her in person. She just happened to have a school lab canceled so she had time to come and spend with us. We really enjoyed our time with her.
I´ll close for now. Thank you all for all of the prayers.

17 comments:

Jo Jo said...

Wow...I'm just speechless. What an amazing journey you made! I could just completely visualize you walking into the hogar with your Colts folder taking notes, but ultimately searching for your daughter. Amazing. I am thrilled beyond words that you got to see her sweet little face, kiss her hand, and know she's there. I long for the day when you can scoop her up in your arms and love on her forever. I pray that day comes soon. Much love and many prayers...

Joanna

The gFamily said...

Joanna just read me your post an hour ago while I was driving in the car and I just cried and cried. You are so strong and I know the Lord gave you the strength to be able to walk through Nola's hogar. I just know that God had Nola standing there for you to see and then for the director to just tell you all their names, wow! God had his hand in all of that! What an amazing story!! Tears and prayers for you today! I just can't seem to stop crying! Big hugs to you! Praying for sweet Nola to be loved on and to come home to you soon! Never giving up hope!!

Becky said...

I, too, cried reading your post. I am so happy that you got to see Nola and know that she is cared for. We will continue to pray for the day that you can bring her home.

Will and Aileen said...

So very happy for you that you were able to see for yourself that Nola is okay. I pray that you will be able to bring her home sooner than expected and that she somehow knew you were her mommy and how much you love her.

Mamita J said...

Wow, Pam! I cannot believe the strength and bravery you have - to be able to see your baby, yet hold back for her own safety.

Praying that Nola's case gets on track quickly and you are soon holding her in your arms forever.

Julie

Michelle said...

From one faucet face to the other I am so happy you got to behold your little darling.

Ferrick said...

It's been a while since I have cried over a post, but you got me. Oh Pam, my heart. Thank you Jesus, thank you, thank you, thank you! He is always faithful. I cant imagine your range of emotions and on top of that trying to hide it. That only comes from the power and strength of God. I just cant seem to stop crying, this is so powerful and an incredible testament of God's love. How he loves you Pam, how he love's YOU! Susie
Waiting to see how we can all help you get the items these sweet children need.

Terri said...

I just found your blog and I wanted to say how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this. I just recently brought home our daughter after a two in a half year wait and I know the pain you feel. After reading your post about the hogar visit, I cant EVEN imagine how you feel now about seeing your daughter and not being able to say anything and love on her while your there. My prayers and thoughts go out to you and Nola

Eva said...

Oh Pam!!! that it SOOO exciting! I cant help the tears in my eyes, I am so happy for you, I just knew in my heart that you were going to see your baby girl again, it was definitively in God's plans. I guess all of our prayers worked very well.
Also, it was great to meet you and Brittney, I had a very nice time.
I am going to start to make my plan to get inside too!

Guatmama said...

Praise the Lord that you were able to see your baby girl. My heart could not take reading this at work yesterday, so I let the tears flow this morning at home. I continue to pray for this situation, for the resolution we all desire. I am waiting for the post of donation items. I don't think we live that far apart, maybe I will drive them to you!!

Gayle said...

All I can say is Wow and God bless. I hope your journey comes to an end soon. Little Nola is bautiful and so blessed to have you as her Mommy. One day she will know it's true.

You have a beautiful family!

Gayle
Ben's Mommy

DFNY said...

Oh, Pam, how amazing that you were able to be told at which hogar Nola was moved to and that you were able to see her, kiss her palm, confirm that she's okay. How very hard it must have been to not scoop her up and talk to her, telling her that her mommy was there. I am in tears--such a moving tribute to the strength God has given you and the joy He allowed you to feel. I so identified with you when you wrote about finally getting some much-needed good news when you thought you could not take it any more... It seems that when you feel you cannot stand the pain for one more day, SOME THING happens. God's grace gave you the information you needed so you could continue to hold on, and then He gave you this gift. My daughter's home after we waited 3.5 years. I look forward to knowing that Nola has come home to you, and in a lot less time. Looking forward to seeing the list of items the hogar needs...

Sending you blessings,
Damaris

Steph said...

Oh PAM...I am crying my eyes out. What an incredible story and amazing, amazing show of strength and love. Wow. I just can't even fathom what you are going through right now, but I do know that you will continue to fight like hell for that sweet girl and we are all here to hold you up. I am also anxious to hear what is needed. Much love and many hugs to you.

The Adoption Journey of Baby King said...

Oh my, how hard that had to be not to just grab her and hold her. You are very strong and very brave. It has to be a relief (somewhat) to know she is okay.

Please post what they need. I would be happy to help in any way possible.

Prayers for you, your family, Nola, and the children.

Garland Family said...

I just can't imagine how hard that had to be to see Nola and not hug and kiss her. I am so glad you got to see her though and hope things work out quickly.
Melissa

Lisa said...

Hugs and more hugs to all of you.
Lisa and Ella (in Idaho tonight)

Guatemama said...

Pam I am just crying my eyes out. What an amazing show of love and strengh. Praise God that you got to see Nola finally and see that she is ok. I can't fathom the pain of not being able to hold her but you managed to do it for her and I am so impressed by your strengh. I am praying that you get to love on her again soon. Hugs to you
Tracy

Gordon Mote - Don't Miss the Glory