6 Days Down, ??? To Go...........

............... A few years ago, the term "emotional eating" didn't register with me. I couldn't understand the concept of a person turning to food as comfort. What kind of comfort can food give you? Well, I'll tell ya. Over the last two years of this insane roller coaster ride of an adoption, chocolate and I have gotten to be really good buddies! Now tell me, please, how ridiculous is that?!?! I get no emotional support from chocolate. I get no friendly advice from chocolate. No. All I get are extra pounds...... lots of extra pounds.............thirty to be exact! I'm not stupid, chocolate has never helped me solved a problem. It hasn't helped me deal with all of the disappointments in our adoption. It hasn't helped me at all! But it is absolutely scrumptious.......unbelievably, indescribably good! It has unfortunately taken me much too long to get to this point, but I've decided to give up chocolate. Yes, you read that right. I'm giving up chocolate. I committed to that on January 1st and so far so good. I know, it's only been 6 days but for me that's unheard of. It's not a New Years resolution. I've never been much into resolutions. I'm giving up something that I dearly love in an effort to get my heart, mind and body back where I should be. About a year ago, I fasted from all food on Mondays. I used my Mondays to pray and meditate. I committed to food free Mondays until we got some good news on Nola's case. I don't remember how long the fasting continued but it was several months. Some Mondays were not so tough and some were very difficult but regardless of the discomfort, I had made the commitment and was sticking to it. Now, back to the chocolate. How long can a serious chocolate loving gal live without chocolate? I guess that remains to be seen. I'm committing to eating no chocolate...............until Nola comes home. In reality, I'm probably looking at, at least, a year. With our hearing still scheduled in June and facing the reality that the PGN is not in any hurry to approve the cases it has, I'll be surprised if Nola is home this time next year. Just writing and reading those words is enough to sadden me tremendously but not discourage me. I'm turning my heart and mind where it should have been all along. Each chocolate craving will remind me to seek comfort and direction in prayer. Our heavenly Father is always there for me and for all of us and wants us to bring Him every care. He will comfort me and the good news is, I won't gain an ounce from it. It is certainly going to be a challenge. I'm going to have to retrain my mind but I'm up for it. I am loved and adored by a God who created me; a God who deserves my praise and who is always with me. He expects me to come to him in all situations so He can reassure me and uplift me................that's something Chocolate can't do.

I'll keep you updated as to how I'm doing. I am, however, allowing myself one type of chocolate and that is Hot chocolate and the occasional chocolate flavored coffee drink. Hey, it's my own personal fast so I can make up the rules, right? Hot chocolate isn't something I have often. On those bitterly cold winter days (like we've been having lately) it does seem to warm me up better than hot tea so I'm not removing it from my diet. And the coffee drinks, I only have on occasion so I certainly won't be abusing the fact that those two things will remain legal consumables.

Better Late Than Never!

We finally got around to taking our family Christmas picture. You know, the one most families take well before Christmas and then make it into a Christmas card. Well, first of all, I didn't send Christmas cards this year...........no....not even one! And second of all, I've never been on top of my game enough to get the annual picture done early enough that it could be turned into greeting cards. The picture has always been for me. I just like to look back through the years and see how our family has changed and grown. I've decided at the point we are now, there is no need to have a Christmas tree as the background to our photo. Even though we have a nine foot tree, only the very tip top of it shows in a picture when we're all in front of it. But it's tradition. Another tradition seems to be Mark threatening to take the tree down the day after Christmas and me holding out for the time when all the kids can come over to get that all important photographic memoir. Maybe taking our family Christmas picture after Christmas is my way of keeping the tree up just a little bit longer. One year, the tree was still up on Valentines day. I just love a Christmas tree, always have and probably always will.
I was going to start taking the decorations off today but instead, I sat down to write this post. Darn, I guess the tree will have to wait until tomorrow.........or the next day;)

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UP AND DOWN AND ROUND 'N' ROUND

As a child, I loved a carousel; the calliope music, the beautifully painted horses and the way I could get lost in an imaginary world as I was carried round and round in a never ending circle. Today, the thought of spinning around in circles is enough to make my head hurt but adding the up and down motion to the mix would surely cause an upper GI cleansing, if you know what I mean.
Our adoption is a bit like a carousel ride lately. We seem to be going in circles. I'm up one minute, down the next and it is beginning to make me sick! My meeting with the new lawyer in Guatemala was unusual. He offered to get Nola out of the orphanage (for a price of course) and he also offered to let her live with him and his family. That offer made me go hmmmmm. It sounded odd to me and a little uncomfortable. I think he sensed my uncertainty in that proposal and told me he and his family had fostered many children in the past and he and his wife were adoptive parents so that made me feel a little better. When I asked him what we would need to give him for foster care expenses, he said whatever we wanted to send would be fine. He also told me what he thought it would take (the amount of money) to get Nola's hearing moved up. We talked for about 45 minutes and then I was left to consider everything he had to say. He was very kind but there was something about him that just didn't feel right. I did my own investigation and didn't find any negative information about the man. The thought of getting Nola out of the hogar was so tempting and he said he could get that job done quickly (within a couple of weeks). Even though my gut instinct was saying "don't do it", my heart was already dreaming of the time I would be able spend with Nola during visits if she were with a foster family. I had talked myself in to it, and Mark agreed we could pay his fee.

After deciding we should have some sort of contract drawn up, I contacted the lawyer one more time to get all of the numbers straight. Well, that's when things began to change. Foster care went from "what ever we want to send" to $500 per month and the amount to get the hearing moved up doubled. I've read too many stories of families who got mixed up with lawyers who charged fees on top of fees and we can't afford to be one of those families.

So for now, we're stuck waiting again. I'm praying our original lawyer will miraculously grow a conscience and get himself motivated to push PGN to get their investigation finished. Even if the judge won't move the hearing up, at least we could know the outcome of the investigation and know if any birth family has been located who may want to raise Nola. If no family is found, there is no reason why the judge shouldn't allow the process to proceed (not that she seems to need a reason to hold things up).

Family News

I have been terrible at updating lately. So many family moments have passed without proper blog attention. I almost don't know where to start.

Our sweet Riley celebrated his first birthday! That seems unbelievable to me. Of course I had to make him a barn cake. He was born into a farm family so it was only fitting.

Mark and I decided (at the end of November) to put down hardwood flooring in our living room, dining room, hallway and master bedroom. The process was much more tedious than I had planned and took longer than I had planned. Tim and Jay chipped in and helped to speed the process along. The end result is absolutely beautiful!!! I couldn't be happier. I wanted a rustic looking wood with knots and lots of color variance. We put down a natural finished Walnut and it's perfect! We were going to get braided rugs to put down in some areas but I don't want to cover up the wood!

Since the house was torn up with the hardwood installation extravaganza, we had to put decorating for Christmas on hold until just this past week end. That's certainly not the norm at our house. Usually the Christmas decorations come out the day after Thanksgiving (and if I had my way they, would stay up until Valentines Day ;)

Our annual candy making day was yesterday. Wow, there is a table full of stuff and there are still some things we didn't get made. Maria and Dawson kind of slowed things down a bit this year. I felt like I just got things going and would have to stop to take the dog out or rescue him from Maria's clutches. He actually could eat her up if he wanted to. It's a good thing he's such a good sport.

I'll have to post some pictures later. I still have Christmas shopping to do, although I'm so far ahead of normal, it's almost comforting.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Pictures Say It All!!

Shortly after I published the last post, Maria and I were eating breakfast when Gloria came in and said "we are going to the hogar in 30 minutes and we can stay for two hours". Oh my gosh!!! I wasn't ready! I still had on my nasty clothes from yesterday, hadn't brushed my hair (or my teeth) and had no way of doing that since I didn't have my luggage.....no deodorant (and it's hot here) but oh well.........we were going! Gloria got us permission to come and visit and then to return first thing Monday morning just to deliver the stockings.

The visit was wonderful! The kids are beautiful (including one very special snotty nosed little girl) and they are just starving for attention! I would guess there were between 40 and 50 kids from age 4 and down outside playing when we arrived and just 4 women trying to be care giver, referee, booboo soother and play partner. An impossible task! They do their best but the odds are a little overwhelming. It took Maria a few minutes to adjust to being mobbed by so many little ones but soon she was right in there playing and having a good time. She didn't recognize Nola so I had to point her out. We had had several talks about not being able to spend all of our time with Nola so as not to call attention to our relationship with her. Maria was great! She talked with Nola for a few minutes, I got a few quick snapshots, then she came over to me and said softly "we have to bring baby Nola home soon momma". I had to hold back the tears (not an easy task for me). The time went by much too fast and we had to leave. As we walked out, Nola was eating a bowl of pasta of some sort and when we walked past, she offered me a handful. I wish I had had my camera out at that point, but I didn't.

She had on mismatched shoes. She wasn't very clean but she is talking quite a bit and played very well with the other kids. As hard as it was to see her like that, I wouldn't trade those two hours for anything.

Now for news on our case. Thursday, I went straight from the airport to PGN. What an experience! Mayra took me in, talked to all the right people and after several hours, they finally found our file. It was in a stack of files that "no one is checking on" said the PGN official who finally found it. He said if the lawyer doesn't come to check on the case, the file sits with nothing done. They work on cases that people push them to work on first. He told me the judge had ordered them to try to locate family who may want Nola. He said if the investigation is finished and they find no family, our lawyer could ask to get the court date moved up. The investigation has to be finished and it hasn't been started yet, thanks to my lawyer who isn't doing anything with our case. To say I was unhappy was a severe understatement! Today at 3:00 I'm supposed to meet with a different lawyer and see what he can do to help us. We'll see how that goes.

Please keep praying! This process is so hard on these poor children! Little Kinsey is having a very hard time this trip. She wasn't feeling well, which didn't help the situation, but the longer this process drags on, the harder it is on her and all of the children. We have to pray them home!!!

I'll try to post after speaking with the lawyer.

Ah, You Know What They Say About The Best Laid Plans...

...and it is oh so true. I haven't posted because our Internet has been down, but I'm in beautiful Guatemala right now. The weather is lovely, I'm all settled in at the hotel. The problem is, my traveling buddy and her son (who flew on a different airline) are stuck in Atlanta!!!!! Brittney and I were supposed to arrive yesterday and hit the ground running buuuutttt, things don't always work out like we expect. Hopefully she will be arriving today at 2:45 after spending the night in a crappy hotel with no luggage and no way to get anything she needed. There were major problems at the Atlanta Airport yesterday. But today is a new day.

Maria and I are here with Christmas stockings to deliver to the children at Nola's orphanage. We were supposed to go this morning and take them but I had so much luggage, I gave two of my suitcases to Brittney to bring. One of the suitcases has 75 stockings and the other has things to put in stockings and my and Maria's clothes and our bathroom bag...........in Atlanta. I don't even have a comb to put through our hair. Good thing we're staying at our home away from home (La Casa Grande). Fredy and Gloria don't care if we look a little shabby. Gloria is going to call the orphanage this morning and see what would be another time we can come. The kids at church have been collecting items to fill stockings with and last Sunday night, they stuffed them all. It was so fun to watch them. They truly had a good time knowing they were giving to children who didn't have anything.

We made and wrote names on 135 stockings (Thanks Alice and Kelsey). That was a job but I know the kids will be so appreciative. I wish I could be here to see them on Christmas day. The director is going to hold the stockings until then. Each stocking had a Beanie Baby (Thanks Jay) a coloring book, crayons, some candy, assorted small toys and some had socks. We also had some special gifts for the babies. They will get cute little blankets, a onesie, a pacifier and a rattle or teether.

One nice cheesy shot before the chaos begins and then.................

.........it's grab and stuff time.

A job well done!!

I'll post later about what I found out on my trip to PGN. Maria needs momma to take a computer break.

Where Has This Month Gone?

I've been trying to hold out and wait for some adoption news before posting but this month's going to be over..........and there is no adoption news to be found.

Soooooooooo, I'll catch you up on family stuff.

Our little puppy Dawson is not so little any more. At his vet visit last week, he weighed in at 22 pounds, on his way to 45. The vet told me we could get a good estimate of his full grown weight by taking his twelve week weight and tripling it. He weighed 15 pounds at twelve weeks, so it looks like we're going to have a small horse living in our house. That's OK, I love big dogs! Maria just loves him to pieces and the two of them waller the daylights out of each other.

This picture is probably a month old. He's grown a lot since then!


Kelsey's high school volley ball team had a fantastic day this past Saturday winning their sectional. GO LADY ARROW'S!!! The Regional is this Saturday. It's hard to believe Kelsey's volley ball days are almost over. We've all enjoyed cheering on the team. She had her Senior pictures taken last week. We got a sneak peek at just a few of the shots and they're fantastic! As soon as we see them all and make our purchase, I'll post some. I guarantee you'll agree with me, she's just beautiful!

Of course, no Sectional victory is complete without a cruise around the square on a fire truck!
I also had my big day last Saturday and it didn't hurt a bit! Yep, you guessed it, I turned the big "50". For those of you who are dreading that milestone, I'm here to tell you, it doesn't feel any different than 40 or 30 for that matter. The only difference is I'm carrying around a whole lot more weight than I did at 30 and I can't seem to get motivated to do anything about it.

I had some "big dreams" of being fabulously fit by the time I hit 50 but dreams don't accomplish anything on their own. I have yet to put any muscle behind those dreams so right now I'm a frumpy, flabby fifty, but I'm not giving up on myself. One of these days, I'll get myself in gear and then............Look Out!

Well, I wrote this on October 28th but didn't get around to posting it so here are the updates. Kelsey's team won their first game of the Regional but lost in the championship game. She was very disappointed but they lost to a very good team in a close match. Now she's on to training for track and preparing half time dance routines for the up coming basket ball season.